The Different Kinds of People that You Meet in a College Dorm


The veritable aficionado of all things cannabis related.They have a wealth of paraphernalia for various specific services. Bong as decorative devices, pipes in a multitude of colours. A constant flow of skunk smell emanates from their dorm, and you wonder how they ever manage to get anything done if they’re either in a cloud of smoke or Cheetos.


Their essays are done three weeks in advance and they’re still worried about their work being inadequate. Their room is perfectly organized with a spot for all their colour coded post its and their nuanced high lighter collection. Getting a B on an assignment consists of failing to them.


Everyday is a good day for beer for this guy. Funnel it, beer pong it, chug it, keg it, beer is  a major nutrient in this guy’s diet. He’ll bring a six pack to any party and manage to make a crack in yours as well when you’re not looking.


They roam the halls quietly and broodily. You wonder if this person ever smiles. Many of these “poets” will have a wardrobe composed solely of black and  the occasional tweed coat. They probably wear glasses inspired from another decade and smoke american spirits like its going out of style. If male sport 18th century inspired facial hear. They can be heard reciting Yeates, Hemingway or Bukowski outside the window or to anyone who will listen.


This particular individual has a handle on every political injustice in the world. In fact, they know how to turn everything into a political statement. Eating a cupcake with green frosting for St. Patrick’s day? They are keen to  remind you how the flour was probably milled by poor child workers, and how the green food colours is probably derived from a toxic substance created by Monsanto.


They seem to have derived their entire life’s inspiration from Wolf of Wall Street.  They oftentimes show up to class in a suit and slicked back hair , and for the love of you, you don’t know why because they don’t seem to be employed outside of school. They’re on the fast track to studying business, and eager to get a summer internship at Goldman Sachs where they’ll begin the road to achieving their goals of living in a house in Connecticut and getting a yacht before the age of 40. Casual wear includes boat shoes and cable knits.

2 thoughts on “The Different Kinds of People that You Meet in a College Dorm

  • January 7, 2016 at 9:43 pm

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