How To Bring In A Christmas Tree Into Your Dorm

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Illegally lighting up your menorah is one thing, but what about sneaking a Christmas tree into your dorm? We all know just how important holiday traditions are, so we’ve got you covered. Here are five easy solutions we’ve compiled on how to get that darned tree into your dorm.

1. Roll it into a rug. Worked for dead body back in the ’80s, so a tree shouldn’t be hard.

2. (Requires musical friends or A Capella group connexs). Your pals enter singing a good Christmas carol–we recommend “Joy to the World” or “Silent Night.” The security guards distracted, you surreptitiously move past the desk and into the elevator.

3. Use a duffle bag. Borrow an friend’s hockey bag, put on some sporty Columbia gear, and carry a plate of Ferris biscuits/hash browns to cultivate the full athlete look.

4. Cover it in the cardboard box your mini fridge came in. Make like you just came from the package center. Hopefully, the security guards know how FRUSTRATING the package center is, and they’ll feel bad for you.

5. Be candid. This method requires no sneaking, just some solid rhetorical/persuasive skills you picked up in CC or prep school. Tell the guards how much you miss home. How dismal your dorm room is. How sad the trees looked sitting outside Rite Aid. The guards will listen, and if they are kind enough, they will understand.

We wish you the best of luck in your endeavor, and if one of these tactics works, remember to credit where you got it from.

10 memes that perfectly sum up student life


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1. FRESHMEN
Who couldn’t relate to it? Freshmen year, the excitement. Come on, we’ve all been there. Regardless of whether you’re residing on your own, with a roommate or in a dormitory – student life starts now!

 

 

 

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2. DORM LIFE
Making friends with all kinds of people is only one out of many perks of living in a dorm. Things noone will tell you about are the real benefits you gain, such as maximizing your creativity level when it comes to.. well, everything. Turning the floor into an ironing board, because space is a question of priorities or the dilemma of having used all of your socks and remain with none left to wear to go to the lavatory and wash your other socks. After all, you didn’t choose the dorm life, it chose you. Might as well make the best of it.


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3. ROOMMATES

See, you know nothing about student life, if you haven’t had pasta three times a day, for seven days in row. Now, while this might sound odd to some, to others it’s known as “the end of the month”. Who would you rather share your meals with than with your lovely roommate? Provided that they haven’t stolen them in the first place.

 


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4. DIFFERENT TYPES OF STUDENTS
“Livin’ la vida broka”? Well, this doesn’t apply to everyone. Throughout your studies, you encounter many different types of students: The discussion-dominating know-it-alls, the unprepared last-minuters, the inattentive stoners, the disrespectful rebels and not to forget, the group of girls showing up to class 10 minutes late, but – of course – with a decaf skinny latte in their right hand. International exchange students, as well, never fail to disappoint. Who doesn’t know that one guy who came to the country with perfect English skills, but answers “Me no English” when pulled over by a cop?


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5. GROUP PROJECTS
As simple as that: Forget everything they have taught you before. In university, group work basically means that one person does all the work and the rest take a share of the credit.

 

 

 


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Sigh. Lecturers. Incidentally, I would also like to give a shout out to the poor student who gets stuck on the front row and who has to spend a tense hour with the lecturer periodically staring right into his soul.

 

 

 

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7. PROCRASTINATION
The action of delaying or postponing something and the first thing to avoid: Procrastination. You’ve had more than 8 hours of sleep, but are still tired? You’ve walked all the way to the library only to go on Facebook and listen to music for 5 hours? Your reaction to the amount of your undone homework is “What movie should I watch?”. You decide it’s the perfect time to do a spring clean – in winter? If you find yourself in at least one these scenarios, then, my dear friend, you are procrastinating!


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8. FINALS
University will make you do the weirdest things like setting your alarm for a 13 minutes nap. But honestly, alongside energy drinks or other caffeine cravings, it’s the power naps that really get you through running the gauntlet, that is finals week.


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9. EFFECTIVENESS
In other words, the degree to which something is successful in producing a desired result, like that rare and overwhelming feeling of achievement when reaching the word count before the conclusion. Work smart, not hard. However, the line between a student’s brilliant effectiveness and expert laziness can be thin.

 


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10. GRADUATION
You’ve reached the finish line. Made it. With graduation comes great wisdom, for example the moment you realize, you went to university to get a job to pay for university. Student life ends here, real life starts now. Oh, and there comes the next person asking what you will be doing after graduation 😉

15 Things That Students Love To Experience

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1. When a business does a recruitment talk on campus and you go because there’s free food, even though you have no intention of becoming an accountant.

2. Cleanly tearing a piece of paper out of a notepad without ripping the top off.

3. Making eye contact with ~that~ hot person in the library.

4. When you’re broke but have the exact amount of printer credits left to print your essay.

5. Not doing the required reading for a seminar but managing to contribute because you once watched a TV show on the topic four years ago.

6. Waking up five minutes before a lecture starts and discovering it has been cancelled.

7. When you get to do a group project with your course friends.

8. Staying up really late because nobody is going to tell you to go to bed..

9. When something scandalous happens at your uni and makes it into the national press.

10. Discovering that the fancy thing you treated yourself to hasn’t been eaten by your sneaky housemates.

11. Eating pasta straight from the saucepan to avoid washing dishes.

12. When a local neighbourhood cat decides to bless your student house and visits you every day.

13. Purposefully saying something ridiculous during Never Have I Ever so you can catch your friend out.

14. Waking up after a heavy night without a hangover.

15. Reading weeks where you do nothing for six days and then do all the reading on the last day.

 

The Different Kinds of People that You Meet in a College Dorm

THE STONER

The veritable aficionado of all things cannabis related.They have a wealth of paraphernalia for various specific services. Bong as decorative devices, pipes in a multitude of colours. A constant flow of skunk smell emanates from their dorm, and you wonder how they ever manage to get anything done if they’re either in a cloud of smoke or Cheetos.

THE OVERACHEIVER

Their essays are done three weeks in advance and they’re still worried about their work being inadequate. Their room is perfectly organized with a spot for all their colour coded post its and their nuanced high lighter collection. Getting a B on an assignment consists of failing to them.

THE FROSH MASTER

Everyday is a good day for beer for this guy. Funnel it, beer pong it, chug it, keg it, beer is  a major nutrient in this guy’s diet. He’ll bring a six pack to any party and manage to make a crack in yours as well when you’re not looking.

THE POET

They roam the halls quietly and broodily. You wonder if this person ever smiles. Many of these “poets” will have a wardrobe composed solely of black and  the occasional tweed coat. They probably wear glasses inspired from another decade and smoke american spirits like its going out of style. If male sport 18th century inspired facial hear. They can be heard reciting Yeates, Hemingway or Bukowski outside the window or to anyone who will listen.

THE POLITICIAN

This particular individual has a handle on every political injustice in the world. In fact, they know how to turn everything into a political statement. Eating a cupcake with green frosting for St. Patrick’s day? They are keen to  remind you how the flour was probably milled by poor child workers, and how the green food colours is probably derived from a toxic substance created by Monsanto.

THE WOLF

They seem to have derived their entire life’s inspiration from Wolf of Wall Street.  They oftentimes show up to class in a suit and slicked back hair , and for the love of you, you don’t know why because they don’t seem to be employed outside of school. They’re on the fast track to studying business, and eager to get a summer internship at Goldman Sachs where they’ll begin the road to achieving their goals of living in a house in Connecticut and getting a yacht before the age of 40. Casual wear includes boat shoes and cable knits.

The Different Kinds of Students you Meet in First Year College Classes

THE FASHIONISTA

This person comes dressed to the nines in class everyday , full makeup, fully done hair, high  heels and fake nails while everyone else is roaming around in a bun and sweatpants, trying to hide the bags under their eyes with sunglasses.

THE KNOW IT ALL

Hand shoots up at every question. They’ve done all the readings, maybe four times. They have colour coded stick its and high lighters. They probably have a fully transcribed agenda with  the exact time at which things are due and a tight day to day schedule, with activities scheduled by the minute.

THE BRANIAC

You don’t know how this person manages to score the highest scores on exams because they never seem to lay a finger on their textbooks. They are mythical creatures that we all kind of wish we were.

THE OVER INVOLVED ONE

It seems like Philosophy 101 was their life calling because they seem to know all about all the class material. In addition, they seem to know all the notable t. Their random name dropping, and spewing of random and vaguely interlinked thoughts never cease to impress your professors.

THE ABSENTEE

Do they even go here? You’re surprised to see this person in class because you’ve never really seen them before. What do they even do instead of coming to class? Will they even pass?